You know the parent that I’m talking about, the one that is SO controlling that their child is NEVER allowed to say NO. This parent is SO controlling that even the thought of their child saying NO to anything makes their blood boil. I know of parents like that, and honestly, I want to smack them. WHY? They have taught their child how not to set boundaries. While I’m not saying children should be allowed to say NO to everything here are 5 Reasons You Child Should Say NO.
Don’t touch me there!
While this one may seem obvious, to many people, it isn’t. I know of adult children who can’t tell their mom no. She may want to check a wound that is in a very private place of her male adult child, and while he has said NO, she doesn’t care and will force her way into the room.
Not only is this abusive, but he has never learned to set a boundary. It has left him open to being abused by other women who have walked all over him. All of this because he wasn’t allowed to tell his mom no.
It is even more prevalent in girls. The more women I talk to that are my age, the more I find that were sexually abused as little girls. Not only were they abused, but it was by family members or close friends of the family. When they told their parents, they were ignored or shamed. Not only was the boundary broke, but the family trampled all over it.
This one of the 5 Reasons Your Child Should Say No, is so important and should not be neglected or abused if you don’t want your child to easy prey for a sexual abuser.
Don’t come in!
This one is a lot like the first one. As a large family, we tend to “fight” over the bathroom. There is always someone who needs to go, and for some reason, they don’t want to use the other bathroom. So if you are in the main bathroom, and someone needs it, they walk in.
My oldest girl has set some hard boundaries about this and her bedroom. My autistic son, just walk in without knocking. She will scream the house down, and I let her. Then I go after the offending member for not respecting her privacy. He does apologize, but not before getting hit with whatever she can grab, which is usually a pillow.
My youngest two don’t understand personal space at all. They also have a problem with closed doors. So, we have been teaching them to close the door when they change close and use the bathroom.
It has also been a great time to teach them that I do NO need help when I am using the bathroom, changing clothes, or showering. For some reason, they believe that I need their company.
While my youngest two haven’t learned this yet, we believe this is another of the 5 Reasons Your Child Should Say NO!
You’re being too rough!
In a house full of boys, it is easy for people to play rough. While my oldest girl has learned to handle them well, my youngest girl is more girlie and would end up crying most of the time.
We started using a password for let me go, POP! I started this by hugging her tightly. She would squirm. I told her to say POP when she was wanting me to let go.
When the boys would get rough, she would yell POP, and they would let her go. It works well with our family, but not for strangers, so we go back to Don’t Tough Me There!
Sometimes older siblings don’t know how strong they are, which is why we made this one of the 5 Reasons Your Child Should Say NO!
I don’t want that, or No Thank you!
While we don’t have anyone with food allergies, we do have stick to the Feingold diet, which is a diet used by many families with kids on the Autism Spectrum.
MANY things are on the NO list, and while my oldest children know what they are, my youngest two don’t care.
We have had to deal with people who do not understand why my kids can say no to food and can be very rude about it You know who I’m talking about, that person who has an opinion about everything and has no problems sharing it. The person who doesn’t have a special needs kid, but know EVERYTHING about them since, their brother’s sister-in-law’s cousin’s best friend has an autistic child.
My children do have to try everything once before refusing to eat it again, but if it is a NOPE on the diet, then they not only do they not try it, but they aren’t allowed to eat it at all.
When it comes down to it, our children need to be able to say No Thank YOU and have it respected by adults, especially strangers. Therefore, it is part of the 5 Reasons Your Child Should Say NO!
I am scared!
As a mom of at least one if not four children on the spectrum in one form or the other, I’ve heard this repeatedly by several of my children.
We had a thunderstorm recently, and my 5-year-old girl was scared to the point of being hysterical. She was sure we were going to get hit by another tornado. While she didn’t know what it was, she had heard her siblings talk about it enough to know it was BAD!
The first time she said something I sent her off to play and told her not to worry about it. She came back again, and before I could say anything, she responded with, “But Mommy, I’m scared!” It was her way of telling me not only NO, but that she was scared.
I held her for a little while and then told her that tornadoes are nothing more than twirling wind. She then responded with, “You mean the wind wants to be like me and twirl, so it comes down to play?” I told her it was something like that.
She was not only calm but went away joyful. All of this because I let her tell me no. There is so much you learn by letting your child tell you know, and why this is part of the 5 Reasons Your Child Should Say NO!
5 Reasons Your Child Should Say NO or Setting Boundaries
There are many reasons we as adults don’t set boundaries and it stems from childhood. Do any of these sound familiar to you?
- Fear of what others will think
- Assume others will be mad
- Fear of being punished
- Fear of someone we love being punished
Dr. Townsend and Dr. Cloud of the book Boundaries, “The first thing you need to learn is that the person who is angry at you for setting boundaries is the one with the problem.”
This is something we need to teach our children. If they have set one of these boundaries with someone and they get angry, it isn’t their fault. The person who is angry is the one with the problem. They need to know they are safe and that you not only love them but will help them.
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” Brene Brown
As adults, we need to not only encourage this in our children but learn to set our boundaries. Why?
When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. It is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.
You see as Melody Beattie said, “We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person’s feelings.”