I used to think that positive people were born that way. Those people were the blessed few who knew how not only to be positive towards others but themselves. They had the elusive self-confidence that seemed to evade the rest of the world. They were the chosen ones, while I was left lacking. I’ve never been a positive person, but I found myself almost clinging to positive people hoping they would rub off on me. It was even worse after I had children. I would say the most horrible things to myself, destroying any hope of ever loving myself. Now that I am recovering, I want to show you How to Love Yourself When You Are Desperate!
There’s nothing about me to love!
You have no idea how many times I’ve said that myself. No one is harder on me than I am. I see my flaws as clear as day, well most of them. When I find new ones, I tend to beat myself up. Why? Because I’m once again a failure and hopeless.
This used to happen to me at least once a day if not once an hour. Something would come up, and I would feel uncappable of handling the situation. Once again, I was too stupid, too emotional, too angry.
I felt drained of everything, and honestly, just wanted EVERYONE to leave me alone. I wanted peace and quiet, but in a house of 8 people, quiet only happens when they sleep. Finding solace in food, I ate my emotions.
What I didn’t realize was that even during those times, there was a reason to love myself. I just didn’t see it, nor did anyone else.
I have nothing to offer!
If you had asked me year ago, even 6 months ago if I have any talents, I’d tell you, “No, God skipped over me, when handing them out.” Funny thing is that when I finally said it aloud, God started showing my talents to me. He made them clear for me to see.
Things like setting up and running a 1 day ladies retreat, that I not only ran, but introduced the speakers, and even spoke myself. I was sick to my stomach the entire time, and barely made it through my talk, but I did it. Not only did it go over well, but everyone was asking to do it every 6 months.
Helping moms is my passion, my divine purpose in life. I’ve been where you are, struggling to find my place in this world. Feeling alone, unloved, unwanted, and replaceable. In the worst of my depression, I prayed that God would help me out of the dark, and if he did, I promised to help other women like myself.
Yet, even as I’m typing this, I have doubts. Doubt that it will matter to anyone else. I wonder if anyone else will read it. Fear that not only will my words be rejected, but that I will be rejected, proving that I have nothing to offer.
What I’ve been reminded of is that if only ONE woman reads my blog and feels encouraged, then I’ve done my job. I’ve fulfilled my promise and purpose.
If you knew the things I’ve done, you’d understand why I’m unlovable!
We all have stories and secrets we’d rather keep buried. Things that keep us hiding under a rock instead of shining. I promise you aren’t alone.
I may not have done the things you have done, but I’ve said things and done things that have caused harm and pain to others. There are things that I am ashamed of, and have trouble forgiving myself for. My struggle is just as real as yours and shouldn’t be compared to anyone else.
Why do I say this? Here is a silly but very accurate example. I do not like chocolate. It can sit on my desk for weeks and I have NO temptation to eat it. I know MANY women who would struggle with not only eating a piece or two, but eating the entire package in one sitting.
This doesn’t make me stronger than them, it just makes me different. Now sit some gummy bears in front of me, and you have a different problem.
I know you feel you are unlovable and undeserving, but we have a God who feels differently. He sent His son to die for YOU, to save YOU! He created YOU! Why? Because you have a place, a purpose, and He has great plans for YOU!
I’ve had to remind myself of this daily, if not hourly. Not just when I was struggling at my worst, but even now, when I do or say something stupid.
You don’t understand, I can’t help the way I am!
This is a lie I’ve heard over and over. I’ve even said it myself. It wasn’t until I spoke with a counselor and she pointed it out, that I became aware of this.
She reminded me that the ONLY thing I have control over is myself. I can’t control others. It is hopeless to try and make them do what I want. BUT I can control not only what I say and do, but my thoughts.
Between what I learned reading The Miracle Morning and the things she taught me, I could make changes. One of the biggest changes were the things I said to myself daily. My oldest daughter calls them lies, but what they really are- Affirmations!
It wasn’t until I began to question why I’m thinking the way I’m thinking and began to say positive things to myself that I began to take control over my life. You know the old say, “Fake it until you make it.”
Who else uses affirmations?
Jim Carrey- He wrote a check to himself DATED with how much he wanted to be paid for acting services rendered, and carried it in his wallet everywhere. And by 1995 when the check was dated, he had made that money.
Will Smith, Oprah Winfrey, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and many more that can be found HERE.
Don’t forget “The Little Engine that Could.” His story is timeless.
From The Self- Esteem Expert you will find these quotes:
Attitude is the little thing that makes a big difference. – Winston Churchill
A man is but the product of his thoughts, what he thinks, he becomes. – Mahatma Gandhi
I don’t think of all the misery but of all the beauty that still remains. – Anne Frank
Out of all of these, it is the quote from Anne Frank that touches me the most. If that poor girl can find beauty during terror like I’ve never seen before, then there is no reason I can’t as well. There is NO excuse for me, because nothing I’ve faced will ever compare to the unspeakable things she faced.
What will affirmations do for me?
These affirmations are going to help you begin to change the way you see yourself as a mother. By speaking life to yourself, you are changing not only how you see yourself, but how you see your world.
Affirmations will begin to build hope, when everything seems hopeless. These affirmations will become the foundation you use to become the best mom you can be.
When your children are acting up, and you lose it- they will what you say to yourself to pull yourself back up and keep going.
When your child is being over dramatic, and you say something harsh- they will be what reminds you that you don’t SUCK as a mom.
How about the times you got NOTHING done, because you were holding a sick child- they will remind you that you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing.
How about when you must leave them with child care and they are sobbing- these will help you keep going, doing what you need to do to provide for them.
Are you going out by yourself or on a date with your husband and your child is sobbing “Don’t leave me!!!”- these will remind you of why you are doing it and help you carry on.
You know when you call your best friend to tell her about your stress and she gives you a pep talk. Well, Affirmations are the things you say to your friends to cheer them up when they are falling apart, but you never even think about saying them to yourself.
How to love yourself right where you are!
This isn’t going to happen overnight. It is going to take practice. Kind of like telling your child repeatedly to do something. (Hmmm, wonder where they got their stubbornness from.)
I’ve created a freebie to help you get started on this path to loving yourself. I’ve listed 22 I am Affirmations for Moms. These are the affirmations I say to myself when I feel like a failure as a mom.
How to Love Yourself When You Are Desperate
Now that you have the affirmations what are you suppose to do with them?
I want you to print these out. Not just one copy but several. Put them up in the places you will read them the most. The bathroom is a great place. Not only are you there often, but it seems to be a common place for moms to hide. (Not that I ever hide or anything. LOL)
Put one in your bedroom. How about in the kitchen? I seem to live there. I also have a copy in my bible and the current book I’m reading. They make great book marks.
You want these to be constantly visible. Why? Because Satan is always going to try and trip you up. He wants you to fail, and the best way to do that is to make you feel like you are failing so you give up. These are the words you will use to speak life to yourself, when you feel desperate.
They are just one way of How to Love Yourself When You Are Desperate.
If you want this freebie, sign up below and I will send it right to you once you have confirmed your email address.