One of the hardest things to admit is that you need help, but after what happened last Wednesday, I know I can’t do this alone as I keep destroying myself with self-defeating behaviors.
I’ve always struggled with food. When I’m tired, stressed, depressed or overwhelmed, I go to food for comfort. I know this is the time I should eat good foods because my body is being depleted thanks to what is going on, but foolishly I go for the things that are bad for me.
My food of choice, sugar.
For a while, I would buy small cakes and eat them in 2 sittings. I stopped that by buying cake mixes, but I never made the cake because I didn’t want to take the time to make it.
Next, I went to the maple donuts. I love anything maple, but a maple donut is a real treat, especially if it is filled with fluff. These are hard to find as most bakeries don’t make them, so I stopped buying them.
Then, it was Payday candy bars. I have no idea what it is about them, but they were a strange craving of mine.
Finally, DQ cookie dough blizzards were my go to for sugar. I told myself that I’m only buying them when I’m out and I only go out once a pay period to buy groceries. Stephen and I would have date nights and I would grab one then as well. It because ridiculous.
Today has been rough. The youngest two are sick. I’ve had an ongoing migraine for four days. The teens have somewhere to be tonight and Stephen is taking them there. This means I’m on my own with the babies and William.
On my way home I passed a DQ. I was so tempted to get a large blizzard. I knew I was running late and had to feed my family before they left.
I hadn’t eaten all day. When my migraines hit, food is the last thing on my mind. All I want is peace and quiet. I knew I needed food, but ice cream wouldn’t be the best choice. So I drove past it heading home.
I still make bad choices
I don’t understand why you have to walk past the bakery to get to the things you want in the store. This is a HUGE problem for me. I walked past the cakes, pies and donuts, only to grab two packages of the iced sugar cookies.
My foolish thought was that this would be a treat for Lucy and Samuel since they have to stay home instead of going on the outing. Why do I lie to myself? These were for me. I gave myself all kinds of stupid excuses and reasons when I bought them, but they were all lies.
I had a plan. I knew what I wanted to do. I knew how to get there, yet here I am with a package of cookies sitting in my house which I knew I liked and would eat. So the question begs to be asked, Why am I trying to destroy myself?
Maybe I think I deserve it. This is completely silly, because when I purchase these things it is because I think I deserve them. This is no different than the person who goes out and gets trashed on the weekend because they’ve worked hard all week and deserve it, yet complain about the consequences.
Maybe I don’t deserve to be healthy. This is ridiculous. I talk to everyone I meet about eating healthy foods. I make my children eat good food before I let them have a snack. How hypocritical could I be?
Maybe I don’t really want to be thin. This is nuts. After what happened at Silver Dollar City, I want to lose weight more than ever. I’m also in the process of planning a trip to Walt Disney World for our family next year. I don’t want to be prevented from riding rides with my children because of how fat I am.
I want the sweet more than I want to lose weight. BINGO! When I put the sweet in my mouth, I’m not thinking about losing weight. I’m not thinking about the end goal. I’m only thinking about satisfying craving right now.
I had lost sight of my vision, my goal. I was instead living in the now.
Step 1: Getting Help
The hardest part was admitting that I had a problem. This happened when I wrote my post Humiliation Bring Change. A friend reached out to me. She offered to help me work through Trim Healthy Mama. She has successfully lost weight and was willing to help me down the path.
Step 2: Make a plan
My goal with her is to write out a plan to follow. Give myself go to snacks when I’m craving things. Give myself good solid meals for dinner and lunch so I don’t grab junk when I’m hungry. I want an easy to make and eat breakfast. I usually don’t make time for breakfast, but that is changing since I started reading Miracle Morning.
Step 3: Set Goals
If I don’t know where I want to go, then I will never know if I get there. Goals are vital to success. Every self-help book I’ve ever read has said the same thing. Goal setting is vital.
I don’t just need long-term goals like I want to lose 100 pounds, but short goals like I want to eat breakfast every day this week. I want to drink 120 ounces of water a day. I want to exercise for 15 minutes every day.
It is the small goals that will lead to the large goals. It is the success of the small goals that will keep me going for the large goal.
Step 4: Visuals with a Vision Board
I need something that is right in front of me. I give my kids sticker charts for chores and reading. Lucy had a sticker chart to help potty train her. Why can’t I have a sticker board?
I give my children rewards when they’ve reached goals, but never myself. How silly is that? Everyone loves getting a reward for good behavior, even moms. So I will set goals and get rewards for good behavior.
I also plan on creating a Vision Board for health and wellness. I want these things in front of me when I grab junk food. I want these in front of me when I do my visualization with my Miracle Morning. I want them in from of me when I eat my meals. If they are constantly in front of me, I can’t say I didn’t remember. I can’t say that I didn’t know. It will be a conscious choice.
Step 5: Accountability
Everyone needs it and everyone has it. If you work outside the home, you have a boss that you are accountable to. If you are a stay at home mom, you are accountable to your children and husband who need you.
So why not have someone to be accountable to for your health? Why not have someone you talk to every day to tell them what you did, ate and drank?
I’m not talking about talking on the phone every day, but a text or Facebook message would be perfect. They don’t have to respond it is just the fact that you are writing out to someone what you did. You are accountable for what you consume. It would be helpful if they were able to respond especially on the days you don’t send them a message.
As I sit here in front of my laptop, staring out the window to my back yard, I wonder why something so easy is so hard to do. Why do we, especially women struggle with this? Why do we struggle with weight issues? I know the diet and exercise of America has changed, but seriously, do we have so little self-control? Do we not value ourselves more than that?
Apparently, the answer for me is no. As for the other questions, I don’t know what the answers are. All I know refuse to be defeated any longer. I refuse to lose this battle, because the consequences are dire.
What goal have you been struggling with and you need help? I know I can’t be the only one.